I suppose

I suppose that last post seemed a bit off the wall, and random. I guess I should explain myself, and my motivation for posting it, as well as explaining why it would have even a remote connection to the subject matter of this site. I've been trying to figure out how to answer this without sounding like a martyr or a Mother Theresa wannabe... I'm not sure it won't come off that way, but it sure isn't how I want this to sound... So here it goes:

Before I lost Alexis, I was just like anyone else. I felt sympathetic and empathetic in some cases, pretty ambiguous about others. I cared about things when it was 'convenient' and wrapped up inside myself when I didn't feel like dealing with other people's issues. I was a decent person, helpful etc... but I didn't feel EVERY.DAMN.THING. And I had a habit of dwelling on the injustices and BS, being pissed off about stupid shit, like rude people in line at the gas station, or idiots that didn't know how to drive. I wasted a lot of time being self-absorbed.

Then we lost Alexis and I just stopped feeling anything (except anger) for years. I stayed wrapped up in the world inside my head. I would see other people in need or in pain, and it just pissed me off.

Then came Terra, who, poor thing, became the only thing I cared about for a while. Still didn't care about others - the world and the people in it SUCKED. And as much as I love Terra, at first, she became the manifestation of my obsessive fears. So, lost the anger, traded it for fear.

Then we got pregnant with Nova. More fear.
Then they told us about his heart.
More fear, plus the return of anger.
Then I gave birth, and knew I better love this beautiful child while I could. I realized, in a tangible way, how short life is. How every single second counts.

Then we spent 4 months with him, appreciating him, and the relationship we had with him, and the relationships that grew with his doctors and nurses and the hundreds of people who came out in a million ways to support us. The nurses would give us free lunch passes and parking, the receptionist in the cardiac waiting room would bring us coffee, or random hugs or just a moment of undivided attention when we needed it most. His doctors and techs and nurses cried with us when things were bad, rejoiced with us when they were good. There were people who loved us, and who we adored, who we met only because of Nova.

We learned a lot about love and generosity and kindness thanks to Nova. Through him I rediscovered the real world and all the wonderful loving people in it.

Then he died. For 4 months and 4 days he lived to teach us what love is, to remind us what kindnesses exist in the world. When he died, I swore that I would never forget that lesson, and that I'd carry it on, and teach it to others, in his memory, to give his life meaning.

Every single thing that I experienced through his life and death changed me just a little. And I know that any little thing I do might just be the thing that changes the world for someone else.

Plus, when you've lost something(s) that means SO MUCH to you, there's a shift in your point of view, an audible 'click'.

I am incredibly grateful for all I have, and I know all too well that nothing I give away can compare to what I've already lost... So why wouldn't I give, if the thing I give, or the thing I do, might be the catalyst for that shift in someone else's perception.

I never realized until I lost Nova, how beautiful life and people can be. I just want to share that with other people, and the people who are hurting or in need are the ones that need most to recognize that beauty.

29 Days - Cami Walker Talks

Find more videos like this on 29-Day Giving Challenge

29 days

http://www.29gifts.org/ is a site I found today, from a post on momscharlotte... basically their idea is to "change the world, one gift at a time.

Why? Because to see the world change, we have to do something to change the world. Plus, the best way to attract abundance into your life is to be in a perpetual state of giving and gratitude. Be an important part of the global giving movement that inspires more generosity on our planet.

 

Now this one is right up my alley, and I'm going to get my kids involved too :) Can't wait to get started!

A project on Infant Bereavement photography...

Hi,



My name is Dwight Miller and I'm working on a senior project with hopes to graduate from Pacific Union College in June. The topic of my project is infant bereavement photography (photographs that are taken of babies that are stillborn or born inviable with only a few hours to live). As part of my project, I'm trying to get into contact with parents who have lost their infant and who have the photographs that were taken. I think it is important for my project to find out, first hand from the parents, what the experience is like and what the photographs mean to them. I certainly don't want to pry or to go about this in a voyeuristic manner. I know that there are some people, however, that benefit from talking about their experience. If I could get into contact with parents who would be interested in talking to me, I am definitely interested in listening. I will go out of my way to be as respectful and sensitive as I possibly can be, since I know that this is an extremely sensitive topic.



Is there a way that I could get into contact with the sorts of parents I'm looking for, through this blog? If so, I can be contacted by email at wdmiller@puc.edu.



Thank you,
Dwight

Team Nova 2008!

I was recently approached by someone I know... she runs a local organization and is looking for charities to work with for their next fiscal year... she asked me if Team Nova would be interested and wanted some more information about what Team Nova is and what we do.

Team Nova has taken on a bit of a life of it's own, which is pretty encouraging. Truthfully, we're no different or better than any other group that signs up with the American Heart Association's Heart Walk. But it's so important to us that I guess I tend to talk it up as if it's more than just another team. He was my son after all, I guess it's easy for me to feel as though it's bigger and more important, ya know?

Then today, I received a comment on Nova's Heart, and a Friend Request here on Myspace from a mother who lost her son last month. Landyn lived 2 months, and passed away the day after Nova's birthday. His mother Megan has just begun the journey - Just 6 weeks in... I'm sending her my thoughts and warmest wishes.

Anyway, because of these things, I was reminded that the old page was down because the 2007 fundraising event was over. But they usually start it back up for the new year in January, so today I went to see if they were accepting team sign ups yet. They are, and I signed up - set the team goal at $10,000, and despite the craziness in my life at the moment, I'm setting off to solicit donations and support again.

$10,000 is a pretty lofty goal, but I honestly think we can do it, because I'm dedicated to it. Because it's important to us and more important still to parents who will continue to face the devastation of Congenital Heart Defects until we raise the funds and awareness to do the research needed to understand and prevent them.

Want to support Team Nova? We'd appreciate your support.
  Click here to learn more and donate online, or print off a donation form and donate by mail!